A friend of mine constantly posts pictures of his very attractive teenage daughters in what I view as provocative poses and it just seems creepy. They do a lot of typical teenage girl selfies and he’s forever posting about how beautiful they are and what a lucky dad he is. Ick! The final straw was a bikini pic of them at the beach, hanging all over their dad. It’s so gross! Should I say something? —Nauseated in VA

How close are you to this guy? If it’s a cousin-of-your-high-school-physics-partner type of relationship, it’d be hard to have a meaningful conversation, though you should keep from reinforcing his posts, by not liking or commenting. If you’re close to him, broach it in person.

Be general about social media, sexuality and privacy: “It must be hard to figure out boundary issues and what kinds of pics to post — teenagers are still growing into themselves, and they may regret their selfies later!” Use your own kids (or lack of them) to nuance the discussion and come from a place of curiosity and listening. If you have a relationship with the girls themselves, keep an eye out if you’re worried about their relationship offline as well.

Have I lost my wife to weed?

My wife of 12 years and I both turned 50 this year. When we met, we had a zero-tolerance policy towards drugs (we both have kids from previous marriages). Over the last few years she has become a “pothead,” smoking constantly in the backyard. I have caught her 17-year-old son doing so on four occasions but there is nothing I can do but refuse to let him drive. Two years ago my wife had an accident that was due to a third-hand prescription medicine a pothead BFF gave her. Other than leaving her because she refuses to see anything wrong with what she’s doing, what is the answer? —Stuck

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At first I thought this was a ‘People change, and good marriages find a way to accommodate that’ situation, but it sounds like her pot use is not a new lifestyle quirk, but rather a true problem with substance abuse. A car crash due to under-the-table prescription meds — I’m assuming we’re not talking about an antibiotic eye ointment here — is a big red flag, as is her seeming inability to set limits on the marijuana use itself. And the two of you are anything but a united front on raising “her” son.

Treat this with the seriousness it deserves, and tell her you think she has a problem that is endangering the well-being of your family. If she refuses to make changes or get help, get support yourself, whether through individual counseling or a group for loved ones affected by substance abuse, as you have some big decisions to make.

Send your questions for Baggage Check to Dr. Andrea Bonior at baggage@wpost.com.

Read more Baggage Check:

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Our college-dropout son won’t get a job. Should we throw him out?

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